Grief is the last way we show our love. Grief can be all encompassing and may resemble fear. Grief can take over a person. One can feel isolated, alone, and scared. Grief is a rollercoaster ride with twists and turns, and the ride is different for every single person. No two people will grieve in the same manner.
It can be scary or uncomfortable to reach out to someone who has experienced a loss. It is important to not let that fear keep you from contacting the person in the manner that is most comfortable to you, be it a card, call, text, or a hug. Be compassionate and empathetic and choose to be beside the person, as they move with their grief. Eventually their heart will grow to enable them to learn to live with the loss and once again experience joy.
If you want to support someone who is grieving, there are things you can do to help!
Understand grief
Share the news of the loss
Reach out and share your support
Maintain your support after the immediate loss
Offer to help in practical ways
Create a way to help others be supportive
1. Understand grief
Grief is a normal, natural response to a loss. There is no set order, timetable, or right or wrong way to grieve. So please don't try to steer, silence, or fix a person's grief. Allow the person the freedom to grieve in their own way, to find their new normal, and learn to live with the loss.
2. Share the news of the loss
Don't let the news end with you. One of the easiest ways to help is to simply share your knowledge. Be the bridge and let others know. Sharing the news of the loss helps save the person from having to share the news personally and expands the community of support.
3. Reach out and share your support It can be scary or uncomfortable reaching out to someone who has experienced a loss. It is important to not let that fear keep you from contacting the person in the manner that is most comfortable to you. You need not be a close friend to send a card or text. Don’t worry about the perfect words - "I am thinking of you" or hug will be most appreciated.
4. Offer to help in practical ways Assistance with practical activities are most appreciated. Instead of "Let me know if you need anything", offer to do something specific. By offering a specific action, you are making it easier for the person to say "yes" and accept your offer. Offer to drop off a meal, groceries, watch the kids, or walk the dog.
5. Maintain your support after the immediate loss
Support usually tapers off in the first month. Two to three months after the loss can be the most difficult, so make reminders to check in on your calendar. Note the big dates of birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, and also the little dates. Any day can be difficult.
6. Create a way to help others be supportive
Be yourself and inspire others by sharing ways in which they can be supportive. Everyone wants to help but they may not know how or be comfortable taking the first step. Be the one that gives others a way to show their support.
Some ways to help others be supportive:
Start a CaringBridge website, one centralized, private place to share updates and request help
Start a Meal Train to organize meals
Start a group sympathy card online with Kudoboard
Start a GoFundMe for help with funeral costs, a memorial, or scholarship fund
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